The worst pic of us ever!
Here we are emotionally drained and totally spent. This was taken at my daughters apt. the other day. This may be one of the most honest and telling posts I have generated to date. I will air our dirty laundry in the hopes that I can empathize with a lot of you that find yourself in a similar circumstance. What I’m about to tell you is painful and hard to admit but needs to be said! Please, please get involved in the lives of your G-Kids especially if things aren’t going well. Evaluate, look and for God sake, go with your gut! None of us wants to think/ admit that our kids are failing as a parent. It’s painful to your core to watch them fail but much better when you can admit that they are and take action. I have raised four daughters, the last is going into highschool in the fall.
I could finally see a light at the end of a long tunnel, (my oldest is nearly 32), my youngest will be 14 this year. I have raised kids my whole adult life. I could see a time and have been enjoying the freedom of more time for myself. I have been very focused on my pursuit of creating and executing music…
writing songs and putting together covers of music near and dear to me…I have hopes of actually doing something in music that I can receive monetary compensation for! That has been my dream and a lot of my focus the past few years.
Point being that if you think I wanted to take on the responsibility of starting over in child rearing with a 5 year old that sure wasn’t in my thought process. I wasn’t going there in my head I can tell you!
We had Alissa prior for 11 months this past year. It was a hard freakin year for all of us. We did the best that we could which I believe was a pretty good life for Alissa. We had hope that her Mom would be sincere in her effort to make a nice life for this sweet gal. Especially after the year long threat of having her taken by CPS. This wasn’t the case. I could scream, rant and rave at her my daughter if it would help! It won’t make a damn bit of difference. It won’t change the wrongs or even make logical sense to my 29 year old severely messed up kid. She has whatever warped thinking in her head to justify some really bad judgement. I believe she has been impaired for life in her thinking by her addictions and her life choices. To say that I’m disappointed would be an understatement! Mortified with a sense of that “Twilight Zone” feeling. That feeling of an altered reality that is so strange that you can’t get it to make sense. It defies logic…
Tragic for all of us. She has altered the lives and the reality of so many of us with her selfish, and uncaring decisions. I’m furious! I have decided that I am stepping out of her picture. I am removing myself from contact with her. Not to teach her a lesson, it’s beyond that. I just want to be free of the worry! I want peace! I will raise her daughter but I can be done with her hell on earth realities.
I haven’t even touched base here with what she has done to get us all here. I’m too ashamed to speak about what she has allowed to become her 5 year olds life experience. No kid should have to live this way. I hope that we can help her overcome it.
I resent like hell having to pick up the pieces of her daughters torn up little life but, I will!