Delcee turned 27 on Monday. Korbin, her 8 year old son was attending school when we had this get together and he was missed! I took a birthday cake over to her to celebrate.
Nothing much is new as I have been in a funk. Some harsh realities have come to light and I am overwhelmed with disappointment. I am trying to work through these issues but I am so angry. Anger is counterproductive if you can’t generate something good to come from it. I’ve often thought that I was resourceful and able to overcome adversities. This harsh life reality seems to be on a continuous looping-cycle. Every so often I blog about this unfortunate life circumstance that I find myself in. I write about it, blog about it and write songs about this one very frustrating part of my life! I have yet to come up with any answers about overcoming this.
The answer is money. Money, makes the world go round… When and only then, will I be able to change my plight. It takes money! Figuring out where my source of income is to come from is another quandary . I have yet to figure out my steady stream of income that will set me free lol…Meanwhile the clock just keeps on ticking…I don’t know what I’m trying to prove to myself, let alone others. Nobody is looking. I don’t think that I could feel more ineffectual. You know there is something wrong with how you conduct your life when you realize a statement like that! Since I can’t change other people, I better work on me!
I am thankful to have the peace and contentment that comes with this! This is my escape. My way of validating my Exsistence. My one something that is all mine. I have found that the enjoyment is all mine as well. I get the same reaction with almost everyone that I know that has heard my music. When I bring it up in conversation, the sarcastic eye roll and far away embarrassed for me look. Funny how my music and the thought of it conjures up that particular mannerism in nearly everyone! Sometimes I bring it up in conversation just to test the waters. I’m always amazed and sad that I get the look… The look that tells me I’m ridiculous and a joke. The look that confirms my ineffectuality. The look that shames me into the realization that I’m not good enough. The look that humbles, embarrasses me and brings me back to my harsh life realities that loop and loop. Leaving me to feel as if I’m in the “Twilight Zone”. My savant, is and has been just a tease…