On This The First Day Of My Fifty Fifth Year

Here I sit on this the first day of my 55th year contemplating. Birthdays are for reflection. A marker of time and an opportunity for reflection. A good time to take quiet refuge in a bathtub full of bubbles and think about where you want to put yourself. Looking back in time serves purpose only to clarify what yet you want to do with the time you have. Regret is counterproductive this, I tell myself.

When I take stock of my life so far, what I find is that I wish I would have made myself more important.  I wish that I had taken the time to pursue my own ambitions in music and in life! I wish that I would have made the time to perfect my own desire to accomplish. I still have desire and ability but I’m lacking in the confidence to try. I feel it out in my head and with those closest to me. Every now and again I teasingly throw it out there… I laughingly say things like, “I’m still trying to be a rock star”. I get the same look from all of them…The you are ridiculous and such a joke look. The “get real” with yourself look. I test the waters with small half joking comments and then I’m always confronted with that look… I then justify my ambitions and musical attempts by saying things like, “I post my music because it reminds me that I’m a person in my own right. Otherwise, I would get swallowed up just being a housewife.” They all seem to get that! I get it too… it’s only half of the truth though. If I’m honest with myself, I upload my music to SoundCloud and YouTube to live out my deep desire to be something! If I can’t really be a great famous musician, I’m going to try like hell to give it all I’ve got. It is the one part of myself that I’m not ready to let go of! I didn’t get to do “it”, whatever that really is…I’m still searching for some kind of validation through my music. I get some nice comments on YouTube. The people closest to me though all get that “look”,regarding my music…

This is what my inner spirit came up with so far, to contribute to the sea of originals in music.

 Escape- https://youtu.be/mtqYqAi9-4k

Something More Than Nothing- https://youtu.be/8ZRbD9le9H0

Lost In The Game-https://youtu.be/vatoP32_kAk

Composing with full orchestra sound has been so fun! Adding depth and dimension to these originals…

Face To Face-

Something More-https://youtu.be/aAIbtnm_Wes

It pains me to see the same look on the faces of people that are closest to me. Embarrassment quite possibly. It is an affront to my inner spirit and most vulnerable self. I take note of “the look”, whenever I encounter it. I keep telling myself that because everyone gives me that look , I should just except the reality that I’m not very good, not going anywhere and give up on the dream…

Something inside of me just won’t let it go though and I keep picking myself up and hoping that the next thing that I produce/create will be better and I can still??? … achieve greatness? At 55, I still want more for and from myself. I’m still trying to prove to myself, something…

HOPE

              -ASPIRE-

                               -DARE TO ACHIEVE-

*Not only for the young! *Fake it till you make it!* Live out your dreams if only in your mind!* Never ever give up! *Overcome the negative noise from the gallery and for God sakes, that “look”! *Ignore the stereotype and the naysayers! *Prove everything to yourself, not to any one! *Compete only with yourself to be better than your last effort! *Enjoy the gift, even if you are your only fan! *Between me and my maker…

How’s that for a personal pep talk with myself on this, the first day of my 55th year here on this planet.

I will finish this post with this latest effort. A cover that I’ve only recently come to know. If you are a big fan of Roger Hodgson you probably know of this song. It isn’t a mega hit song but it is big on spirit and innate charm. A song that is probably very near and dear to the songwriter and his life experience and thoughts. Roger is so good at conveying his inner spirit! That, is what truly makes him such a gifted songwriter. His lyrics and unique chord progressions cut right through to my heart strings. This little known song sucked me into wanting to cover it. To cover a song is to truly come to know it. To put yourself there in it. Like admiring any kind of art in detail.

If I could ever speak to Roger Hodgson’s camp,  who seem to detest my cover attempts, I would remind him/ them this..

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”! I seek to really know the music of which I cover. My whole appreciation and inturpretation of the intimate nuance is what I get and, wish to impart covering a song. Very personal to me even if I didn’t write it! I cover many songs and artists.

* Please visit and subscribe to my YouTube and SoundCloud channels. What a terrific birthday that would be, support, is a wonderful gift!

I will finish this post with this latest cover on my SoundCloud channel.

Two Of Us- written by Roger Hodgson

Here is my birthday wish…

* It is my great fantasy to have this, my interpretation of Roger’s original echoed back to him. Hopefully recieved favorably by him and his camp. Not for it’s greatness,  (it’s not great), but, for the spirit in which it is intended, my great adoration for his works!

I wish only to bring a smile via my cover attempt!

How’s that for a birthday wish?!!!!

#bucketlistdreams #bigdreams #55 

Advertisements

Author: tynajoymetzner

I've been a stay at home Mom for many years...Have earned a PhD in life experience. My oldest is 33 and my youngest is 15. This year, I adopted my 5 year old Granddaughter. On a quest to see all that I can be now. I am a musician, singer/ songwriter. In the process of trying to become marketable. Please visit and subscribe to my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWn_VTumL1QLpukYEamtzcg. Would love to make money doing what I love! I love to do many domestic things also. Nothing I do seems to be profitable. Guess I am at a point in life that I would like to be compensated . My whole life I have given freely. I recently had a the wonderful opportunity to submit my music to Warner Bros Records for consideration to the label! They liked my music but requested that I get in the game by acquiring 20k followers. Appearantly, that what it takes to get signed to a major label! Sure WB, I'm working on it! You have to have a huge following to land a recording contract. Gone are the days where a label can and will make you...

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s