My week is progressing into a lot of different places to put my energy and focus. My father remains foremost in my thoughts as I feel the clock ticking and time running out for him. Awwww! This song came to mind when I was thinking about the fact that my father has no religious belief system in his heart… I imagine that this is the atheists view of how things could be if we could all just agree…
I finished this song up and recorded it with my iPad. Still dreaming of a better recording device…
Imagine written by John Lennon.
I wrote the intro. I hope that it’s ok… I wonder what John Lennon would think? I often wonder what artists would think of my covers of their originals. I have never had any feedback lol. I’m just a very small fish in a very big pond… Such is the life of this lonely cover artist…
I got the call that my father is now under hospice care. They are visiting him at home. Having been through my Mom’s death I am familiar with Hospice. I always say if I were well endowed with money Hospice would be at the top of my list to donate to. I can’t say enough nice things about Hospice. The people that do this kind of work are the best of the best. Not only for the patient but for the families of those who are dying. They educate, comfort and everything in between.
My sister has been helping to care for my Dad along with his wife. I live a couple of hours away and see them frequently. I cared for my Mom for many years until she passed away. My father has made the choice to refuse any more tube feedings. He has had a feeding tube for the past 10 years of his life! His C.O.P.D has become unbearable and leaves him unable to breathe and in panic mode. His discomfort has been ongoing for a long time now. I understand and respect his right to choose to be done. I get it… He is also 89 years old and has more than fulfilled his mission here. I wouldn’t ask him to stay a minute longer than he wants to and in discomfort.
I just have so much running through my mind. Even though we have no loose ends. No unfinished business…he knows how much I love him. He loves me too.
My only regret is that he didn’t get to see me do something great with my life. He did so much great with his life that I feel I let him down. I have had nothing noteworthy lol, to boast. I have raised my family and taken care of people. That’s what I have done. My own personal accomplishments are rather small and only special to me. I regret that my father didn’t get to see me do more with the life he gave me. I feel that I let us both down somehow. I was so hoping that I could really make him proud. Selfish thoughts really, I realize this.
My father developed a polystyrene insulation process that you know as Owen’s Corning Pink. Foamular,(the pink panther stuff)…
A revolutionary extremely important product widely used in homes, commercial buildings and even under roads. I always smile when I drive by construction sites that are using this product.
My growing years were filled with my Mom and Dad building a pilot plant trying to prove and get funding for this invention. My Mom sliding on her butt down a muddy hill to pick up the extruded bead board. My sister and I running density tests on that material. Me running up and down the hill to transfer information between the two. Mom fashioning a special belt clip out of a hairpin from her hair. All of the long arduous hours on a hill in Fairview, PA.
My father fought in two wars. the Korean War and World War II. He was a master sergeant in the Army. He was shot in the leg and has a purple heart. He came back from the war and went to college. Obtaining a Master’s Degree in organic chemistry from Cornell University. Went to work for Aerojet General as a rocket scientist! He was brilliant, a genuis. In his later years he was writing a book about the Universe. Dementia robbed him of the ability to complete this great work. I am sure it would have been!
Now all thats left to do for him is to go. Unfortunately he was so science minded that he had no faith. He is an atheist. He thinks that when you die thats it, their is nothing more. The light goes out and you are done. I firmly believe that is why he is still living…he fears death. He fears ceasing to exist. With no idea of more or heaven, you can see why. This makes me so sad but also is understandable given his scientific mind! I can imagine what is running through his mind…unfortunately the degree of his dementia is so great that having a conversation about this is not really possible. So sad really!
So all thats left is for me to look to the sky and ask the heavens to help him to have a comfortable and swift journey to…?!
(It runs in the family)
It’s a long way back finding myself raising a four year old. I have no idea how long this will be my circumstance. This all hinges on Mom and Dad. If they can get it together enough to have her back. If not, I’m in it for the long haul.
I have been raising kids and taking care of people my whole life. My Mom, my kids and now a grandchild. I’m not complaining, it simply is what I have done. Just when I thought I was going to have the time to work on me as a person I find my life is taking another detour. I was so hoping to be able to make money with music somehow. I keep working on it and submitting my stuff everywhere I find that is free to do. I even enter jingle contests and promotional stuff lol. My God I just want to get paid! Pay me in freakin chocolate, at this point I don’t care! I just want to know that what I do with these two hands is worth something to someone! I have this need to be compensated. Finding how and where to put my enterprising efforts seems to be my quandary.
When I look into the eyes of this beautiful child I see desperation and real need. I am happy to be able to make a positive difference in this little gals life. I have spent the week trying to get her on a life schedule that she will be able to count on. She seems to love the routine of a nightly bath and bedtime story. Along with plenty of home-cooked and meals out! The kid has been eating like crazy. She has had a bad cold with a nasty cough the last few days. We have been sleeping very little… I took her to the Dr Friday.
She just has been coughing like crazy. Can’t wait to be done with sick…this is a long way back…up all night with a sick little one.
I just entered the AXE, John Legend contest. Five lucky musicians will be mentored by legendary John Legend. I want to be one of these lucky few. I worked on putting together 3, 60 sec. submissions for this contest. I really tried lol. This is what I came up with…
I work hard at trying lol… I’m always trying and entering something. I put a ton of energy and effort forth in all of these musical endeavors. Most of the time it’s all for not. I never hear anything back. One might think that I should get a clue lol but I never, never give up! I keep hoping that one these things that I do and post is going to get me somewhere. Never, never, never give up! In my next life I would ask that I be given more talent… In this lifetime, it’s just a tease! Awwww!
This silly submission was for Meow Mix…
Wish me luck, I need it. Not sure I ever have what “they” are looking for but I have ambition and hope! I probably have more chance of winning the lotto (if I’m honest).
It’s fun to try!
Don’t have a clue what Terry Kath would think of my covers of his brilliant and powerfully soulful originals. Not sure that I do them justice but they are from my heart. I was heartbroken when I heard that he had passed away. Stunned is more the word. Utterly stunned… All these years later I still play his songs…
What a great talent he was. Never to be forgotten R.I.P Terry.
*Friday marks his passing 37 years ago. A sad moment in rock history.
It always amazes me the way people choose to present to the world. Not in physical appearance but in deed and action. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen and been up against aggressive posturing in everyday scenarios. In stores, and on the road. It amazes me to see and feel the lack of regard so many others have for each other. The competitive nature and flat out rudeness is disheartening!
How did we as a society become so thoughtless and jaded? The insincerity, impatience and hostility just amazes me. So many times I feel I have witnessed one of those tv show ” What Would You Do Moments”… I’m always uncomfortable when I do! I have always been one to hate confrontation but when provoked, I can be confrontational. Especially when something or someone is justly unfair… I can’t stand bullies. Bullies and being bullied make me furious! It takes a lot to get me there but when I do, I’m there!
I was in a recent situation that reminded me of the hope and desire of these lyrics ,on a global level. I felt prompted in some way to cover this, so I did…
Imagine Written by John Lennon
I always feel bad after I have lost “it”. Something I’m glad to say that I’ve rarely done. Even if I have the right to get angry, I never feel as if I have ever gained much by being furious. Not understanding, not popularity and surely no dignity…so…I just don’t like to go there… Surely diplomacy wins out?